Reason 31: To move all my junk!

Sorry to go so long between postings! We both moved out of state, and in the process, blogging took a back burner. But it gave us the wonderful opportunity to experience yet another reason why we need men: MOVING.

When it comes to the male physique, I'm a shoulders and chest kind of girl. Rippling pectorals and well built deltoids have always made my heart do a fluttery little flip! But let me tell you, I have never had quite so strong an appreciation for that part of anatomy until it was pushing my giant heavy book shelf up the stairs... ooh la la, now that's what I call manly! Or stacking my billions of boxes in the trailer, hauling appliances out to storage, and showing me just the right way to tie down a mattress.

I have come to the conclusion that a man is an essential element to any move. Kind of like a moving truck, or a dolly. They really help streamline the process, and help you avoid the annoying aches and pains that come from actually doing the work yourself! They have muscles. They have trucks. And best of all, they have this manly need to show their strength and ability to rescue poor helpless females that actually makes them want to come help you move! Its the best of both worlds: Mr. Muscle-y Hotness does the hard work of moving and loading all of your junk, while you sit back and enjoy the view. And in the end he is actually happy for the opportunity! Hey- maybe if you bat your eyelashes just right, he'll forget to tease you about your five boxes of shoes...

Reason 30: Smelly Things

Sometimes I think the male nose is totally screwed up. Step into almost any bachelor pad and by the time your foot hits the carpet a very distinctive scent informs your nose without a shadow of a doubt that GUYS LIVE HERE!! And the truly bizarre thing is, somehow the men don't even seem to notice!

So what's with the stunted smellers? Maybe it's hereditary- a biological defense left over from the hunter/gatherer days of skinning animals and rotting meat... who knows?

The point is- what may seem like an undesirable trait to the average fragrance-encircled woman, can actually be a good thing! Think about it- It makes men the ideal candidates for certain sense-assaulting jobs: Unplugging a toilet. Taking out the trash. Fixing the garbage disposal. Cleaning up after the dog. (All things I can handle, but frankly, my nose and I would rather not) And with my very own nasally-challenged hunk around, I shouldn't have to!!

Reason 29: To even out the bed

I like big beds. Besides being roomier, compared to twins they just look better under fancy bedspreads and giant piles of decorative pillows! But I've noticed an annoying trend. No matter how many times I rotate the mattress, flip it around, and punch the sides, I can't seem to avoid the person-shaped dent that always develops smack in the middle. I've tried sleeping on the edges, but to no avail. It's almost like the mattress is mocking me, reminding me with its single-person-indentation that a bed of this size was meant for TWO.

I need to find a man, marry him, and bring some balance back to the bed. Of course, knowing my love of snuggling, this may just result in an even bigger dent in the middle...

Reason 28: To pull the giant prickly weeds

The other day I was weeding for a group service project, and ran into a monster of a weed! It was two feet high, prickly and huge, and had thick roots that ran deep. No matter how hard I tugged and pulled, scratching up my arms and straining my back, the darn thing wouldn't budge. And then I realized- there were men in the group! I simply turned around and said, "um, I think this one might be a bit too much for me..." and whammo! Three men magically appeared at my side- one with a shovel- eager to help. Two minutes later the evil monster plant was gone, the men stepped away proudly, having conquered the beast, and I went merrily on my way no worse for wear. Closest thing I've ever had to an "easy button" in my life!

Reason 27: To smell

The sense of smell is very powerful. I'm not speaking for all women... but definitely a great many are affected by a man who smells good. It can make heads turn, and not-so-hot men look really good. I even have small vials of Tommy because I just like sniffing it. Gives me tingles. So MEN! Find a good cologne and wear it!

Reason 26: Help me rearrange furniture

We decided one day that our living room was lacking Feng Shui and so set out to find the best arrangement for all our furniture. As we moved the couch, bookcases, desk, and entertainment center around and around the room, we started getting annoyed picking up and putting down, over and over again until finally settled on the best possible set up. After letting out a sigh, we exclaimed, "This is why I need a man!"

Reason 25: Um...duh.

'nuff said

Reason 24: Because even the best daydreams stink without something to back them up

Like any girl with even a remote exposure to Jane Austen novels, I love to daydream. Romantic interludes with dashing strangers, dramatic heroic acts of rescue, poetic declarations of undying love, delicious marriage proposals, fairytale weddings- and all other topics capable of making girls giddy with endorphin induced twitterpation elation- are available to me 24 hours a day courtesy of a highly active imagination. It's exciting, it's magical, it's fantastically glorious! And it's totally fake.

Sigh. The sad truth about dreams is that that's all they are- and all they will ever be. Eventually you wake up, and reality comes crashing down around you in all it's boring drabbiness. Blah. But if I had a real man to swoon over.... even if the most poetic thing he comes up with is, "uh, you look nice," it will be music to my ears! We girls like to talk about our dreamy knights in shining armor with their eloquent speeches and heartwrenching good looks- but for the most part we just want a decent man in pants who likes us for who we are. Provided he has a pulse and actually exists in reality. Because then what you dream about suddenly begins to seem possible...

Reason 23: A date for family functions

There is something about being single that can change family reunions, weddings, and holiday gatherings from joyous events to interrogation sessions the Spanish Inquisition would be proud of. Nearly the moment you arrive you are attacked by a barrage of questions from well-meaning-but-not-always-tactful relatives.
"So are you seeing anyone?" - "How is it that you still aren't married?" - "You're such a pretty girl, if only you would put yourself out there more!" - "You're not getting any younger, you know..."
And my favorite, "Hmmm, lets think, I'm sure we know someone we could set her up with..." Apparently it doesn't matter who I end up with- as long as I secure some random male who is willing to remove the "shame" of my singledom!
Sure would be nice to have a man on hand that I can drag to all these family functions- to help deflect annoying personal questions. Of course, they will probably just switch the line of questioning to "So, how soon are you two getting married? We need more grandbabies..." But then at least I can just give a sly secret smile and shrug it off... let them wonder whats going on!

Reason 22: To fan me with palm fronds and be my slave

Okay, so not really. But how much fun would it be to pretend?! I have a definite flair for the dramatic and love quoting movies and playing a the occasional game of make believe. And if a man is willing to play along... how can I not completely adore him?!
Whether rushing to the bottom of the stairs with a grin when I randomly cry out "Romeo, Romeo!" from top, greeting me with his best John Wayne impression, talking to me in random silly accents, or hailing me as the great Aphrodite Goddess of Love and Beauty as he tries to feed me a peeled grape- I love a man who can drop all this ridiculous pretense of being perfectly put together all the time and just be a goofball with me!